i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
