Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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