dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
