This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
