After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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