nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
