i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
