he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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