and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
