Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
