I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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