how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
