i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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