I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
