chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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