If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
