My hand turned me down
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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