I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
