He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
