He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Come share oat with me in your robe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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