Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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