my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
