I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
