It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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