Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
