also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
