one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
