perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me I should be a condom model.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
