I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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