Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
