I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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