I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize