Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
