You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
