I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
