That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
