i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
