matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
