My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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