So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize