im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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