$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
