So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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