i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
