so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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