I think im going to throw up on grandma
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
