Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
