Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
