why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
