I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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