you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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