she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
