Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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