Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
