thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do herpes really smell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
