but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
