you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize