Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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