I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
