He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
