One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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