the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
