Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
