Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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