i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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