I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
