Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize