I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
